yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Randomize
