I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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