Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
