It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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