You made me cry and you don't even care
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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