There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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