I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
