just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
