she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
