There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
