Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
