She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
