I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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