I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
