Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
