Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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