They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
