Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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