Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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