I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
accomplished twins. life is a go
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
