he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
