The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
