I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
