You can't motorboat a personality
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
