Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
