Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
