Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
