my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
