if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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