1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
