I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
