Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
