just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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