I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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