how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
