Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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