you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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