ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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