Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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