While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
