alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
