some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
