This is not my ceiling
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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