a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
