so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
is this the sara with the beer cane?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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