U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
