i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
