hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
