I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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