I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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