If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
