I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
