Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
as a side note pls kill me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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