I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
